I'm Sorry

Dear hubby,

I'm sorry this whole thing has been so hard on YOU.

Reading the other wonderful things that couldv'e been done.. makes me sad (and angry) that I don't have this but encouraged that it can be obtained.That there are some good partners out there.

I am most grateful for you feeding me ice chips when I got back to the room. I was so dry.

Thanks for the beautiiful flowers from our dogs.

Thanks for putting on a good show for the staff so they might have thought I had a caring husband and not pitied me.

I'm sorry everything stopped as soon as I got home and you left me all alone all day on my first day.

I'm sorry I've wrote and erased this five times already because it is too sad and negative - especially among all the other sweet letters.

I have given up on you so I won't bother sending it to you but maybe it will help someone else.

I WISH:
You had even ever offered to go to a doctor's appt with me even though I would have probably let you off the hook.

You had acted like you would accept me no matter what I looked like or what parts might be missing.

You could understand how scared I was and given me comfort.

You would think about food BEFORE meal time and if you haven't - just jump in the car and go get something.

You could at least talk to your councelor as to why you lock down when there's pressure in your personal life.

You could understand why I want someone I feel I can count on to be there for me - especially as we get older. Even though I am very strong and independent - it matters.

I'm sorry this has been so hard for you and you don't have a clue what I have gone through and what a major life event this is.

I love you but I love myself enough to realize I have to heal and recouperate and get on with my life.