My letter to the women in my life

I am 26 with a lot of women in my life. Inevitably those women are going to have babies, and it's usually a little difficult for me, if not a lot...

I wrote this letter after a particularly difficult couple of weeks, after finding out my boss was expecting out of nowhere and my young cousin didn't want to tell me she was expecting her second child only 8 months after giving birth to her first one, so I had to find out from my mother:

To my friends and family,

I know the issue of how to act around me/deal with me/talk to me when it comes to the baby topic is an area of concern. Let me just clear up a few points here for all of you;

Yes, if you get pregnant you are going to face the dilemma of having to tell me. And yes, realize that it will be hard for me to hear. That is a hard truth, and a part of my life that I have to deal with. But there are several things that don’t make it any easier. Being afraid to tell me/delaying in telling me- Only makes it worse. It makes me feel guilty for my situation and also makes me feel pretty pathetic, as it seems that people don’t think that I can handle it. YES, I will be sad, but I will get past it, as you should. I don’t want to be the last to find out because someone doesn’t believe that I can handle it. Finding out I was the last to find out hurts. The baby is coming, one way or another, so don’t act like it isn’t. And please, if possible, tell me yourself. I don’t like hearing things through the grapevine, I want to hear it from you! And don’t be upset if my reaction isn’t that like everyone else’s…I’m not an overly dramatic person. Add that to my situation, and you should understand that while I am happy for you, I won’t be jumping for joy, because that’s just not me.

I don’t deal well with the baby topic ALL the time. I can handle it in bites and sips, but not in large quantities. Which is why baby showers, children’s birthday parties, and newborns are difficult for me, so please do not let your feelings be hurt if I choose not to come to these types of functions, it’s not that I am not happy for you, it’s that I am sad for me. I am slowly getting better at handling these things, but I doubt that I will ever be in a place where I want to hear someone gripe about how awful pregnancy is for them. It’s like eating a cheeseburger in front of a starving man and then complaining about how awful it tastes! That’s just cruel to talk to me about, no matter what. There are a million other women in your lives who WILL understand what you are going through, but I am not one of them. Try to be sensitive to that.

Last, I understand that everyone at one point or another has been concerned about me and my mental well being. For the record, if you happen to catch me on one of my “bad days”, or if I call you to vent, that’s all it is. It’s not my perpetual state, and I will get over it. I am sorry if I have ever subjected any of you to the uncomfortable-ness of my sobbing, or one of my particularly angry rants. I have been through a lot, and sometimes I just need to get it off my chest. As my situation is fairly unique, there aren’t a lot of people who I can relate to on this. So I am sorry, but you are my loved ones and I sometimes just need to share with you where I am at. And for those who are wondering, yes, I am thinking about “seeing someone” about this. Though, as I mentioned before, this is not how I am all the time, I am at an age where babies are happening all around me, and it can be extremely hard to deal sometimes, as it is a constant reminder of what I am not capable of doing, yet always thought I would. So please, try not to suggest I see someone, or ask if I have found someone to see, as it’s not a new idea, and I am looking into it.

So I hope that this letter is helpful in letting you know where I am at. It’s not meant to condescend or to criticize. My situation is what it is, and it has never been easy. But I hope this gives you all a little insight to my world. This situation does not define me, but it is part of who I am, and is unchanging. It is what it is. But I am still Carrie: daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and friend. I love you guys more than you will ever know. And I want to thank you for being there for me through everything! And thank you for being so understanding. Your support is one of the things that keep me going.

Love always,

Carrie