Happy birthday honey

Saturday is your birthday. I wish I could be with you, but you need space right now. So for your birthday, I give you the gift of respecting your space. I hope you can respect my need to share my feelings.

I can see this is a very difficult time for you. Everything has come to a head and you are feeling very stressed out, exhausted, overwhelmed and in need of rest. Thank you for taking off work to be with me during surgery--and for driving me to and from the hospital. I was so glad to see your face when I woke up in the recovery room. You made me feel safe and secure.

I know that before my surgery, you were afraid I might have cancer, even though you never said so.
I know that seeing me in such pain when I got home from the hospital was really hard on you, though you didn't say so.

I understand you feel really guilty that you weren't able to take care of me the way you wanted to. Please believe me when I say I do not blame you for getting sick while I was recovering.

I know that you may have felt uncomfortable and overburdened when I needed your presence during my recovery longer than you expected.

I can see that my need for your presence has triggered your fear of commitment.

I sense that you are feeling angry and resentful toward me but I do not know why. Please explain this to me.

Yes, I am angry at you. I am angry because I feel hurt. Why? I think you don't realize that your behavior is telling me that fixing neighbor's plumbing is more important than fixing our relationship. Neighbors can call a plumber to fix their plumbing. Only you can help me fix our relationship. Your behavior has been telling me that I don't matter. And that really hurts.

I am trying to give you space even though it is triggering my fears that I may lose you and your support while I am still recovering from my hysterectomy. I am very hurt that you have chosen to distance yourself while I am still recovering.

I watch you work two jobs and take over your neighbor's home improvement projects as well as your own. You are so exhausted that there is no time left for our relationship. I know you love your second job, and I am trying to support you in it. But it hurts horribly to sit by helplessly as you ruin your health by burying yourself in work. I am afraid that I may be burying you one day as a result of overwork. It distresses me greatly to watch you locked in such self-destructive behavior.

I do not mean to add to your stress, but I believe I deserve a direct explanation about what you want and need from our relationship. I care very deeply foryou. I greatly value the help you have been able to give me. I do not want to give up on our relationship until I am sure we have explored all the options or compromises that are available to us. However this ends, I wish you well.