To my love Steve

I wish I was able to tell you how I feel, but I just cant find the words when I need them. We are done having children. Not by my choice, my body has failed me and I am still not over that. I know that with you having a vasectomy it made dealing with being told I couldnt safely have more children easier. But it didnt. I hate my body for doing this to me. We have 3 awesome children but I have three very scary memories of their pregnancies and their births. I was not done at 3. I am luck yes. But it should be our decision not a doctors or my body that decides it cant handle it.
Now this surgery. Makes me feel even more let down by my body. You know how bad I wanted to help others even if by donating eggs. that isnt an option. I feel like I am having it all taken away. Being ripped of my childrens first home, where I first loved and nurtured them. I am not handling things well and I wish I was able to be honest, but I feel you have enough to worry about in the coming weeks.
I love you and I know we can get through this as we have everything else.