Dear Ex-Michael,

Dearest Ex-Michael,

You went through so much with me over the last two years with the cancer and traveling constraints on our lives not to mention two years of courses in infertility. Oh how I wish you would have made more of an effort to bank when you did come up here.

I told you to not bother coming up for my hysterectomy since you would only be here for a day and airfare was astronimical.

Going into the 6wk post-op your beautiful ex-step daughter delivered her first daughter. You posted it on your facebook wall where lots of people could misconstrue this was your child. So many of friends knew we were trying without success. She becamse like a daughter to me also through our emails that she and I shared between us and on the day she gave birth I was one of the few people who posted the first signs of congratulations on all her electronic walls. I happened to be home (where else would I be?) so it was perfect timing for me. But sadly I even got to see the first person congratulate you and your father for having a beautiful baby. I have never been the envious type. And I thought you realized this. I did ask why you posted on your wall and not hers. You said she's always been special to you. Ok. No problem. But when I went in for my hysterectomy where was the note on your wall asking for prayers for me? None. Because none were ever posted. About a week after she gave birth I don't know how the conversation came out (and again I was not envious) you said to me in a hissy cruel tone, "You're just angry and jealous because she can have a baby and you can't." I will never forget the words or the tone of voice you used. But I let it go in the name of love. Then a few weeks later you said to me, "Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be with you and be miserable?" On top of all that was the callous and cruel way you were speaking to me when you speak to me at all. It's hard to imagine I packed my entire house up to move to Nashville to be with you, only to see this viscious side of you come out. I wanted to TRY to be your friend but overnight I realized anyone who could be that cruel to someone who'd been trying to get pregnant for 21+ years can't be my friend. Your cruelty was uncalled for after the way I have acted toward you and your ex's daughter.

So on that note, like I said the day "you're dead to me," I hope you can look into the mirror and recognized that you injured the soul of someone who had never been anything but generous and kind to you.

In the end, you turned out to be just like everybody else and that's what threw me for a loop. Where did the cruelty come from? I'll never know but I sure hope you do. It would be sad to waste so much visciousness on nothing justifiable.

So now, I have no more children, no more fiance, no more uterus/cervix, no more partner or companion, let alone lover and/or friend. As I layed on the gynonc's table today being examined I cried and cried for all that was lost. And I don't even know why it is.

On that note, I hope you can find enough penance in the world for making such viscous comments to someone who never EVER hurt you. Not like your ex-wives.