Dear Hun

I was amazed at how gently you were to me after my surgery. I know we have been together for 15 years now and we love each other. I think we take care of each other but we are so busy taking care of life that we forget to be thankful for the small stuff.

When the nurse told me to sit on the edge of the bed, and you I turned with scared eyes and looked at you and came around and held my hand, you asked if you could sat on the bed beside me and I said yes, you reached over and rubbed my back. I have tears in my eyes at the way it felt to be loved and cared for by you in that moment. It made me realize that you are still the man I fell in love with and that you are still just as in love with me.

NOW, since then I have had some huge mood swings and up and down. I feel better physically but emotionally I have my moments. Moments when small issues that I normally wouldn't care about are suddenly the end of the world and I can throw a screaming fit to beat any two year old. I feel myself spinning out of control but I just can't rein myself in.

The boys are driving me insane. Tanner's grades, and normal daily mistakes are making me spiral and I hope he knows that Mom is only temporially insane. BUT then again if he just did what he was suppose to do then I wouldn't be quite as crazy. I mean I just can't grasp not turning your homework in and yes it bothers me on a normal level, then it hits my hormone influx and it goes to the moon. Of course I love you and hug you after I have yelled at you. I just wish I was sure of my feelings and could get my coping skills back in check. Teenage sons are wonderful. I know I am truly blessed to have you as a son. I know it seems I am concentrating on the wrong you do right now. I do see the wonderful accomplishments you have. BUT just do your **** chores and homework and life will be smooth sailing and I won't have to be crazy mom times 10.

Family know that I love you and I appreciate you taking this journey with me. I hope we reach the smooth sailing and life back to normal and I get to level out soon.

If it wasn't for you honey I would've never taken the steps to make my self feel better. Your love did that for me.