To my skinny mom

I love you, mom. I really do. And although my childhood and my relationship with you was never 'perfect', I have forgave you and I still love you.

I also know image is very important to you. The rude names you used to call me when I was a cubby kid hurts just as bad as the snide remarks you and dad make about my weight as an adult. I'm sorry that I embarrass you. Telling me not to go to certain family functions because you are not going, then secretly going there yourself, asking me monthly whether I am pregnant or not 'because your stomach is so huge, you sure?', commenting on how fat someone is when that person is smaller than me....it hurts. And the worst part is that you KNOW it hurts me.

Now I am having a hysterectomy, which is something you continue to believe that was caused by me being overweight. Being fat is not the reason behind my hysterectomy. Nor is it the reason why I didn't date much, couldn't get promoted, had a fight with someone, fell off my bike, got an D in 4th grade, etc etc. Yet it gets thrown at my face that whenever something bad happens, it's because I'm fat! I really need you now because I'm scared about this hysterectomy but here I am on an anonymous message board because I have no one in real life, with the exception of you, to communicate with. And you would rather not talk about it since this is all my fault.

You know what, mom? This surgery will be the start of a pain free life for me. Maybe I'll be able to enjoy life more and who knows? Maybe I'll lose some weight! But that weight loss will be for me, not you.